Route 29: ｍｏｄｓ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
these_balls) wrote2010-04-27 11:40 pm
these_balls) wrote2010-04-27 11:40 pm
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Understand the secrets and have some fun
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Xion | Kingdom Hearts | Not reserved 1/3
Name: Mozart
Personal Journal:
E-mail: inzivil at gmail dot com
AIM/Plurk/Etc.: inzivil on AIM,
Timezone: PST
Current Characters in Route: Maka Albarn, Botan
Character
Name: Xion
Series: Kingdom Hearts (358/2 Days to be specific)
Timeline: After she fades away
Canon Resource Links: Good luck figuring out Kingdom Hearts.
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If there was anything to compare to Xion, it would be the ocean. Like the ocean, Xion's thoughts often remain just below the surface, too dark to discern. She remains private with her thoughts and what's bothering her until it comes crashing to the shore out into the open, then quickly receding away to obscurity. She doesn't like to bring it up or make it apparent, apologizes for doing so, but at the same time, her thoughts overwhelm her so much that she can't help but show it in her expression and tone. Her thoughts are often her enemy, plaguing her with doubts about her worth or who she even is and drowns her like the ocean she dreams of. With this, Xion is hesitant to open up and express how she's feeling in unfamiliar situations, in some ways she's not entirely sure what her thoughts mean or if they're even her own. She questions everything inside and outside of her, sometimes they're deep and existential, "why do I feel pain if I don't have a heart? How do I know about this? Are these memories real or fake? Who was I before I became a Nobody?" these are the thoughts she keeps to herself, to agonize over and only long for the answer to. The more light-hearted questions come from her endless curiosity, indeed with someone that is as unsure of her origins or basic humanity as she is, Xion is always wishing to explore the world around her and the ones beyond. Her mind leans towards being more literal and logical as, again, she's a person that tends to think a lot—simple phrases like "push your buttons" escape her and she questions where this button on her could possibly be. At the same time she points out the obvious ("Roxas, that's a stick") or the harsh truth ("If we ran from the Organization, where would we go?") to people that she's close to, not maliciously, just to get the facts straight. Truth and clarity is very important to her as a person that is unsure of her origins and wants to find answers.
However, as Xion is a person clouded by doubt and lack of confidence as these thoughts torment her, she ends up being a little sensitive. She takes rejection hard and begs for another chance, apologizes over and over again, even if the person is someone that treats her badly. She can handle it, she says, though rejection as well as abusive words still hurt her feelings, Xion does not speak up in her own defense, she tries to mediate and find the best solution for everyone around her. Being created in an environment where she often feels (and usually is) powerless, she has difficulty making decisions for her own benefit as a result and, really, thinks more of what everyone else wants, what people expect from her. For some part, it's for self-preservation, she's fully aware that some people can and are perfectly willing to kill her and though she does not wish to be dependent on them and their desires, she knows she has to be, she knows it's her duty. For the rest, it's because she truly cares about some and wishes only to make the best decisions for their sake. Her heart is in the right place, but still she is lost and confused, she asks questions of others constantly, "what should I do? How can I do that?" even if the decision should solely be left to herself. She has to be stopped and reminded: no, this is your life, it's your own decision whether you want to do what's right by them or right by you. Regardless, she will always choose what's right by the people she cares for, it's not necessarily a strong sense of justice so much as a strong desire to be loyal and take care of her friends. These same loved ones also end up begging Xion to please think of herself, be selfish and do what's best for her, but once Xion has made up her mind, made her goals, she will not be swayed and she'll do what it takes to make that goal happen.
A huge part of Xion's doubt and anxiety is the question of her identity, the one time she flies into a rage and blindly attacks (when usually she's more careful with her fighting) is when it's implied that she's a "sham." She hears it enough already, that she's nothing more than a puppet, but she has people that treat her like a real person to drown that out, so how dare anyone say that she's a fake? Though, in actuality, the attack wasn't directed at her but at her Keyblade, still—her doubts leave her feeling like anything is an attack on her. Some part of her believes that she really isn't worth anything; she really is just a fake, isn't she? And when Xion feels as stressed and pulled in all directions as she does while trying to figure out who she is really, she runs away and hides to compose herself, to consider what should be done next. She knows always that she has to push aside her doubts and seek the truth, no matter what it ends up being, she's fully aware of how her actions and behavior affects those around her and—again—she doesn't want her loved ones to worry, but sometimes isolating herself is necessary. Especially when she realizes that her actions have negative consequences on her friends, it's just better if she's not there; she loves them too much to have them suffer by protecting her.
Love…how can somebody without a heart love? Yet she feels it, she feels it for her friends and knows that she would do anything for them. She has the instinct to take care of her friends and keep them company, watch over them when they're not feeling well, even if it's not something that a Nobody should know or even care about. She stays by them without fail and reassures them when bad things happen. She does this in spite of them, like before, telling her to please worry about herself. Though ultimately Xion is not able to get a firm grasp on an identity of her own and ends up pulled in all directions and almost losing herself completely, she still knows deep down that what must be done is what is best for her friends. Anything, even removing herself from the picture and the memory of her friends entirely, even if it's painful to consider and difficult to go through with. As said, once Xion has her mind set on a goal, she will do anything to make it work, even if it means acting antagonistic to her friends in order for them to destroy her. Yes, she will actually die for a cause that she's loyal to, for people that she loves. She doesn't do it because she wants to be regarded as brave or heroic, it's simply because even if she's not who she thinks she is and there never really was a "Xion" the time and memories she made with her loved ones is precious and real.
Xion would not know what to do with her own identity, she doesn't know who she really is, some part of her feels like a lot of the traits she has are just patchwork of others. Why does she like collecting seashells? Well, that must be because she's made from memories of Kairi, who also loved seashells and collected them to make charms. Why does she know how to use the Keyblade? She doesn't know at the time, but it's because she's made from the Keyblade wielder Sora's memories. But at the same time there's the determination to become much better with the Keyblade and with her fighting so she doesn't mess up and lose it again. There's the very intense desire to not fail, part born from her fear of the higher ups in the Organization deeming her "useless." She screams in frustration at a failed mission, she beats herself up for not being better, she isolates herself, and then she decides she must plead for another chance. "Let me do it again, please, I can do better." She's reserved, slow to open up with so much as a word or a smile…though when she does open up, she seems to become a whole new person—smiling and laughing along with her friends. Some of her highlights of the day are spending time with her friends, talking about things like going on trips or "what does this mean? What does that mean?" She listens carefully to what's said and she remembers it well, even to the point of turning it back onto her friends to tease them. Xion's affection for teasing indicates her level of comfort and trust in the people she keeps company with, one would rarely see her like this in any regular situation, especially one that she doesn't feel comfortable in. She does not make jokes, not really, not even to lighten the mood, though she does have encouragement for the ones she's close to and insistence—"Yes, I'm fine, I can handle it!" Xion appears strong solely for her friends, while for others she would wilt in the background as she's unsure of what to make of them and doesn't want to draw attention to herself. Outside of the Organization is not a life Xion ever considered, she shot it down when Roxas brought it up after all, she's not sure what to do in that sort of situation. She's not sure what to do with the unfamiliar or with anything about her remaining stable, being her own person and making decisions for herself and her own benefit. She might say something and then immediately second-guess it and apologize to the person she's speaking with for saying something odd. She might question what they say at every turn out of genuine curiosity at something she's never heard of. She thinks she might mess it up entirely and should avoid it. But then she has to remember that Roxas didn't know what to think about her either when they first met; yet when she began to speak, he kindly offered friendship to her. She's still in the progress of discovering what her identity—her own identity, the girl called "Xion"—really is, doubt and apprehension rest heavily on her, some memories in her mind remain mixed up and she isn't certain if they even belong to her. But she won't give up, she'll approach it carefully, one step at a time, and open up to properly introduce herself to the world.
Strengths/Weaknesses:
+Loyal: Once a person has Xion's trust, she'll stick with them and defend them to the end.
+Kind: Well, she is made from Sora, Xion is a friendly and happy girl once she opens up to people.
+Hardworking: Xion gives her all on missions and always wants to show that she can do it and do all of her duty correctly. She might go a little…overboard with the desire to prove herself.
+Observant: As said, Xion prefers to hang back and listen carefully to a situation before butting into it.
+Resourceful: Despite being a secondary character in a video game, she's actually very quick-witted and adept at thinking on her feet when faced with a quandary (or two).
+Agile: She's a smaller member of the Organization and it shows in her ability to use magic attacks and speed.
+/-Introspective: This can be a good thing as Xion gives a lot of thought to her actions…but also a bad thing as she can get caught up in her own thoughts and psyche herself out of interaction or asking for help. This somewhat leads into—
-Reserved: This can be mistaken for cowardice. It's true, Xion can suffer from moments of anxiety and appear shy or timid, but she's merely someone that prefers to keep her own secrets. This leads into—
-Secretive: Oh, this thing might end my life? How about let's not tell my friends about this until it's too late and I die? Sounds great!
-Lack of self-image: Well…besides the obvious that she's a Replica and she reflects back whatever connection people have with Sora, Xion doesn't seem to have much regard for herself, how can anyone that doesn't even have their own identity?
-Emotional: Like said, she experiences her emotions in a very unstable fashion, with the question of her identity being pulled in all different directions she's liable to experience her emotions very strongly and suddenly.
-Stubborn: Once she's come to a decision, she'll stick with it, no take-backs, no talking her out of it. Obviously since she thought about it, it's the right decision and has to be done.
-Sea salt ice cream: wait what.
no subject
Affiliation: Trainer
Starter: Seel
Password:
I madeSpring Rollsfor dinner last nightSamples
First Person Sample:
[After the initial introduction to the World of Pokemon, Xion is still trying to get her bearings…figuring out the device is easy enough, even though the Organization had no communicators. It was kind of cool…a little like a secret agent tool.
…Not that she even knows how she knows what a secret agent is, she can probably blame Sora.
As she sits against a tree outside of the town she woke up in, Xion fiddles with the device and her Seel sits at her side. She pushes a button that shows a picture of a circle and blinks when it changes to "recording…"
…Then she sees the light and realizes that it's on her and people might see her.
Oh no! Nobody should see her! She's not even supposed to be. Xion stumbles to undo the recording when the Seel sits up and starts clapping. Too surprised by the sudden noise to be fussed with the recording anymore, Xion stares at the white creature with a perplexed expression.]
What is it, Thalassa? ["Seel! Seel!" it claps again, seemingly with insistence. Xion appears to understand what it's getting at as she pales slightly.] Y…you want me to talk to the people…?
["Seel!" Yes! It wants its new trainer to make friends! The Seel claps some more with enthusiastic encouragement, you can do it master!] Ah…
[Xion's cheeks redden and she swallows, though her mouth is now too dry for that to do anything…what should she do? She wishes Riku was here at this moment, he always seemed to know exactly what he was doing…but she's alone here.
Clap-clap-clap!
Xion shakes herself out of her thoughts and stares seriously at Thalassa. It has a point; she should be trying her best to make new friends…maybe start over in this place, a new life and a new chance, she can figure out who she actually is. But do I really deserve it…? No, I just--
CLAP!]
HhhhHI! [She accidentally squeaks this out when Thalassa surprises her. The girl knows it's just trying to cheer her on, but does it have to be so loud about it?] Is…is anyone out there? I...I'm new here, hello?
[Or is Nobody out there? …Even if Xion still isn't sure what's going on and what she should do next, she certainly hopes she doesn't run into any Nobodies…not that they would remember her. Even Roxas and Axel wouldn't…but it's better that way.
This won't do, she needs to think about this more carefully. Xion turns off the feed after pressing her fingers to her forehead and sighing.]
Third Person Sample: Xion cannot process what just happened to her no matter how long she tries to think and rationalize about it.
No Organization XIII coat, no Keyblade, some strange woman claiming she's "Mom" (what?) waking her up and pushing her outside…and a clapping, seal-like creature at her side. It certainly rattled her, she still feels a little shell-shocked from the chattering and touching subjected to her by the lady.
More to the point...why is she alive? Xion didn't know that fading into oblivion meant coming to a place like this, she thought it was...well, never existing again. Or at least in some part existing in Sora's heart. Not that she contemplated that part of her fate too deeply, since she knew that it had to be that way or else…
"Roxas…."
She says the name and she frowns, pulling at the hem of her(...?) skirt that the "Mom" woman practically forced onto her. She really misses Roxas and Axel right now...but she knows that even if she did see them, they wouldn't know who she is. Just a copy and all that. It's fine, though, that's how it has to be.
But part of Xion wishes they were here with her, they could explore the new world together and find a new place to eat ice cream. Like friends…the thought of this makes her wince with pain. It's because of the heart. She feels a heart beating inside of her chest and emotions fighting each other for dominance in her mind. How is this possible? It shouldn't be, it shouldn't hurt so much! Frustration overtakes Xion and she yells, kicking at a rock to send it flying away. "This is stupid!"
I HATE this! Why can't I do what I'm SUPPOSED to do?!
The creature is startled, birds have flown away, and Xion realizes that she overreacted. Scaring things isn't a kind thing to do, not that a "Nobody" was ever concerned with kindness or anything that wasn't conducive to forming Kingdom Hearts. Obviously Xion wasn't a regular Nobody, just a flimsy copy. A nobody Nobody?
...Xion decides that such a topic is too strange and complicated for her to pursue. Regardless of her learning her true nature and fading out of existence, there are still some questions she just can't answer. The girl sighs and crouches down onto the ground to hold out her hand to the creature. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, please don't be scared. I won't hurt you, promise," she reassures it with a smile, remembering to look and sound as gentle as possible. Luckily, this seems to improve its mood since it waddles up to her (which Xion can't resist thinking is kind of cute) and begins to clap its fins again. "Seel! Seel!" it says, still clapping. Xion's not sure what it means, but it seems to like being around her, maybe it wants to be her friend?
--Wait, somebody wants to be around her? Ugh, she clutches at her chest, feeling the pain and guilt again. "Seel" interrupts this by waddling up further and nosing its head under her arm to nuzzle. "Seel!" She doesn't understand where the impulse came from but she pulls the Seel into a hug, shaking, thanking the creature for being here and being warm and fuzzy.
"Do you have a name...?"
The thing tilts its head at her, only answering back with another "Seel!"
"I can't just call you 'Seel' all the time," she answers with faint amusement. "I should give you a name. What about...Thalassa?" The beautiful shells she liked to collect, woven together as good luck charms.
...How she knew the name and the purpose, she can probably chalk up to Sora. But Thalassa sounds nice, like music, and the seal seems to agree, it waddles in a circle again and rolls—clapping enthusiastically as seems to be the norm for it. It doesn't occur to Xion that she should have determined whether her Seel was a boy or a girl, but the concept of gender wasn't exactly on her mind at the moment…besides, shells don't have a gender!...Right? Maybe?
"…Oh. I should ask someone…or find a book."
She might end up thinking about this all day, but it's all right, she has time now.
no subject
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